how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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