During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
