Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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