I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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