Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
