Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
