How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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