why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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