Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
third nipple confirmed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
