theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
