this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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