You just made me feel so damn special
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
