i was rollin on her like bob the builder
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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