Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
