I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
