ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
