I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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