Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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