hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
