just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
