K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
