It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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