Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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