If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
