So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
