okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
