He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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