Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
