How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
