I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
