When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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