i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
