I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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