I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
