I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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