I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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