Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
