Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
