I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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