i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
