I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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