Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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