On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You took a bar mat shot.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize