Apparently you make a good broom.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
