Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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