uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
