wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
