I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
