I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
