I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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