New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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