I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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