Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
