I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
