I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Non-Jews are for practice
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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