I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize