We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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