i just wanna soil my oats bro
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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