He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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