You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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