alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Text me some of your sweat
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize