this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
