I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
