we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
