This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
