Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
