I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
