I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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