also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
