well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
