So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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