no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
